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What Love Is Not?

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We already have love, but sometimes we cannot fully feel and receive it as long as we view it as painful. As a society, we hold on to so many misconceptions about love. Here are some of the most common misconceptions about love, according to Kailen Rosenberg’s book, Real Love Right Now (New York, 2013):

  1. Love Is Unattainable
    Some of us may believe that love does not exist at all or it is somehow unattainable. Another reason people think love is unattainable is that they believe they are unworthy of love. In fact, we can obtain love from how we love and take care of ourselves. True love is not something that we ever have to strive, reach, or grasp for it. Sometimes we forget the love we often get because some people hurt us. It makes us forget the amount of love we actually get from other people who sincerely love us. Love is always with us, right inside of us.
  2. Love Is Painful
    Just think about the Spanish proverb that claims, “Where there is love, there is pain.” Or Shakespeare’s “The course of true love never did run smooth.”
    Kailen Rosenberg was pretty sure when we read this, we could think of moments in our life when we believed that love wounded us. In truth, love is incapable of hurting us. Well, it was not the love in a failed relationship that hurt us. It was our ego and our partner’s ego, and bad decisions on both. That is what has held us back by causing us to ignore red flags, make bad choices, or accept the unhealthy relationship. Love itself can never hurt you.
  3. Love Is Possessive
    Have you ever gone through your partner’s phone, receipts, jealously wondering whether or not they have been faithful? Some of us believe that love makes us jealous, possessive, and controlling in the name of love. We people often act this way because we “love” the person so much. Kailen once had a client whose husband had left her because he was so sick of her control antics and insecurity. Kailen explained to her client that it was not “love” but fear that caused her behavior. In a relationship, we must understand that it is not “love” that makes us possessive; it is our ego and our unhealed insecurities causing these negative actions and emotions. Too many of us were never taught how to act with love in a way that honors ourselves. When we honor ourselves, we become open to love and feel stronger than ever before.
  4. Love Demands Perfection
    Many of us think it is our faults that keep us from finding love. “If only I had a pretty face” or “If only I had a perfect body,” some of us think it would be so much easier for us to find love, whereas, of course, that is not the case. God loves all of us already just as we are, and we are all equally lovable. There is no need to change ourselves or especially pretend to be someone else to be deserving love. The only things that can keep us from love are a lack of openness, a broken ego, or a soul wound that has not healed.
    Then some of us allow our search for perfection to prevent them from accepting love. Kailen once had a client who came to her and hoped she would find a husband. Her client is a successful woman and very independent. She is used to being forced to be independent and successful because of her parents. Moreover, she is the first child in the family. As a result, she grew up believing that she must be perfect herself to keep the peace and not cause any additional conflicts around. She now actually believes that she is perfect and expects to find the same perfection in a mate. Of course, no one is perfect. All the men she meets are perfectly imperfect and show the slightest sign of humanity, and she instantly rejects them. Her search for perfection has kept love at a distance. In truth, there is no person out there who is perfect for us. We need to accept people’s flaws and stops blaming others for being imperfect, just like we do to ourselves.
  5. Love Is Vain
    Kailen’s clients are some of the most accomplished and successful people in the world, and even they often believe that if only they had more money or a perfect body, they would be able to find love. “This could not be further from the truth. Love is not judgemental and not vain,” Kailen said. Love does not care about the size of your paycheck or the brand of your clothes. Those things have nothing to do with our ability to love and be loved or even how attractive we appear to others when it comes to love. We are already capable of loving, and it is the acceptance of the love that is already living inside of us that will make us more attractive and radiant to others. Just remember: True love will love you just the way you are.
    Well, if you ever thought wrong about love or not, even if you agree or disagree with this article, hopefully, you can get your true love soon.

Well, if you ever thought wrong about love or not, even if you agree or disagree with this article, hopefully, you can get your true love soon.



  1. Ryan Aries

    August 24, 2021 at 1:13 pm

    Love is complicated, they said. For me, love is simple, the variables that u thought were matter, that’s make it complicated. I’ve read lot of stories and theories about love, experienced it by myself, I had my own conclusion (or maybe an indication) about love: “True love is to hear” . If u capable to hearing ur partner, on any situation u guys going through, that’s LOVE. Many people are great talker, but not so many of them are true listener. If u met someone who can hear ur heart, that’s love u deserved.

  2. Fadhilabulkhair

    August 25, 2021 at 2:52 am

    Love is about dumb luck nok

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